The Night of the TP

Once again, I have a guest writer making a debut on my blog. This time it is my daughter, Catie, giving her much anticipated account of the night she TP'd her youth pastor.

It all started on a Tuesday morning, at our junior high Bible study. Jeremy told us that he had gotten tp'd last night, and a wonderful idea came to me. Why not tp him tonight? It was the chance I had been waiting for. I told my idea to Bethany, Claire, Emma, and Michelle. They all thought it was a good idea, and agreed to carry it out.

Everyone was helping to clean out the juinor high room that afternoon, and it was there that we found a key element to our mission. (Michelle likes to remind me that it was HER that rescued him) It was boB. (Spelled backwards, as Bethany likes to say.) No, boB is not some kid, he is a styraphomic dummy that has been in the junior high for who knows how long. Jeremy was going to throw him out, but we(Pardon me, I mean Michelle) rescued the head. Claire then took the head home and decorated it with makeup. Everyone came over at 8 to get ready and look over each other's supplies.

Michelle and I each had eight rolls of toilet paper, the thin stuff that tears easily, making it harder to dispose of. Emma had a whole pack of Charmin Ultra Plus, and Claire and Bethany each had a roll or two. Emma also brought a box of plastic forks, to spear the lawn with, and gold fish crackers, to feed the lawn with. Claire had also packed along boB's head, and my dad drilled a hole through the mouth, and we stuck a fake rose through, looking like he was holding a rose in his teeth. We also stuck bits of clay here and there on his face, giving him eyebrows, earrings, nose goobers, ect. I popped a whole bunch of popcorn for their door. (I'll tell you more about this later) then, I took two Hershey’s caramel kisses, took out the candy, and filled the wrapper with clay instead. (A successful joke I had used on April Fool's Day) Then, later Bethany and I composed a note to the victims, saying something about how we hoped they would appreciate this small token of our appreciation, bla bla bla.

Finally, it was almost time to leave. My mom and dad drove, and we allowed Johnny to come along, which proved a mistake later on. The main reason we let him come, was so he could get his revenge on Jeremy for smashing a cream pie in his face. We parked several houses away, and snuck out. Soon, there were pranksters tossing tp into trees (By the way, anyone who reads this, Jeremy & Stephanie have a GREAT house to tp) rolling rolls down the drive way, wrapping bushes, spearing lawns, and stuffing mail boxes. Johnny stuck forks into the lawn and wrote PIE with them.

Getting the tp up into the trees was not our strong suit, and more then once, a roll would fail to be caught, and BANG! It would sound like a gun shot to us. we weren’t exactly quiet, but the worst was when Johnny threw a roll on the top of the garage. It made a loud BONGGGGG and I was sure we would be caught. But they didn’t catch us... yet. We put a roll on their porch, with the note rolled up in the middle, the two clay kisses on the roll, and boB's head with a Hawaiian Lei around the neck. By this time, the Writebol front yard was covered in white with dashes of orange sprinkled on the lawn. Then came the popcorn plan. It was a mistake from the start.

The plan was to tape plastic wrap around the door, then pour popcorn into the space between the wrap and the door. Problems first started with the wrap. It made a loud crackly sound as it was unwrapped, and shattered the stillness. Not only was it loud, it kept wrapping and sticking together. Then, the tape was too loud. The sound of it coming off the roll just about burst our eardrums. And lastly, we ran out of wrap. It was an old roll, and was almost empty anyway. Just as Claire and I decided to just wrap the stuff all over the door, and then figure out what to do with the popcorn, we heard it. A man's voice inside the house.

It took us about two seconds to realize the voice belonged to Jeremy, to realize this meant that he was awake, and to stare at each other in terror. We both tore out of there, me having the presence of mind to snag the tape (a noble effort on my part) and started running down the street to where the car was parked. When Emma saw us running, her first thoughts were “Oh shoot, we’re caught!” and then she ran also. I reached the car first and practically dove into the back seat. In seconds, the car was filled with terrified tp’ers. Looking out the back window, I could see Jeremy running down the street after us. You will never again see him that fast.

We were screaming for my dad to drive away, but he was just sorta inching forward. I later found out that my mom thought that Jeremy was one of us being left behind, and I wonder if that contributed to the slowness of our take off. As he got closer, I will admit that a few of us called out that he was gaining on us. Finally, we picked up speed, and made our getaway. As we were leaving the street, still in view of our handiwork, Emma dumped a whole bag of gold fish on the street. (Birds took care of that the next day)

Just when we thought all was safe, Johnny rolled down the window and yelled “LOSER” at the top of his lungs. As I write this, I am not sure if he heard it or not, but at the time, I was sure that Johnny had sealed our fate. It was about this time that I realized I had left my bag on Jeremy’s well-covered lawn. As I sorrowfully said this, Bethany realized she had also left her bag behind. It was here that Claire showed her heroism. As she was running, she noticed the forgotten bags. She ran back, grabbed them both, and retuned to the car before Jeremy.

We dropped off Bethany and Claire at their houses, and returned to our house. Emma spent the night. As we pulled into our drive way, we decided to avoid suspicion by tping our neighbors who had tp'd Jeremy's house the night before, and we tp'd ourselves. They were simple jobs, just a few rolls at each house, then we went to bed.

In the morning, a surprise greeted us on our porch. Jeremy and Stephanie had come in the night and left all the trash on our porch, with a note indicating that our decorating efforts weren’t appreciated. You can ask them about their experience of the Night, of the TP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!